So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
