I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
