Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
