How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Less talking, more tequila
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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