My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
