I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I touched a dick in church today
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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