What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
