dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's blow job season.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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