Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
