ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize