there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize