no, he came in my armpit
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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