the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
