My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
