I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize
