Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
