it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize