Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize