I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize