whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
