Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
no you cant smoke seaweed
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
