Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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