How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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