The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
