Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
