I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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