dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
where does the pee come out of this thing
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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