woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
