Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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