Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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