I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
