Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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