Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
