If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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