I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
