I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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