I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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