My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
