he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i now understand why vodka
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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