You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
