I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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