when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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