Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize