So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
