checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
