Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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