Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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