we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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