woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
