Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
