We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
