I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize