I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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