im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize