We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
