So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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