Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
