google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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