On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I faked an abortion last night.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
