i can't believe i had my finger in that
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
