I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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