I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
