break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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