Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
