I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
