How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
