Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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