You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
