'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize