I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
